Why We’re So Bad at Self-Care — and no you don’t have to go to Bali to reset.

(Even though it’s a great idea) 

As I lay by the pool in Canggu, Bali I begin to think about how we are told about self-care all the time, from the latest wellness podcast to the motivational memes, hey I even teach my students that it’s a must do when you work in the mental health industry. 

However, it’s supposed to be a simple concept, right? look after yourself so you can feel good, stay healthy, and manage life’s curveballs. But if it’s so straightforward, why do so many of us struggle to put it into practice? 

What Is Self-Care, Really? 

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and candles — though there’s nothing wrong with a relaxing soak after a long arvo. It’s about taking deliberate steps to look after your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. This might mean eating nutritious food, getting enough sleep, moving your body, connecting with mates, or even saying ‘no’ when you need a break or when you’re inclined to people please. 

Why Are We So Terrible at Self-Care? 

• The Busy Trap 

Life can be hectic. Between work, family, study, and social commitments, self-care often gets shuffled to the bottom of the to-do list. We’re experts at pushing through exhaustion and saying, “She’ll be right,” even when we’re running on empty. 

• Guilt and Self-Judgement 

Many of us feel guilty for taking time out for ourselves. There’s a sense that self-care is selfish or that it takes away from our responsibilities. This mindset can be particularly strong if you’re the sort who’s always looking after others — whether it’s family, colleagues, or mates. 

• Misunderstanding What Self-Care Is 

It’s easy to confuse self-care with indulgence. The truth is, self-care is sometimes about doing things that aren’t easy or fun in the moment — like going to the chemist for your prescription, dragging yourself out for a walk, or cooking a healthy meal instead of grabbing takeaway. 

• Societal Pressure and Comparison 

Social media can make it look like everyone else has their life together, with perfect routines and glowing skin. This comparison is not just unrealistic but can also leave you feeling worse, making self-care seem unattainable. 

Making Self-Care Work for You 

So, how do we get better at self-care? 

• Start Small 

You don’t have to overhaul your whole life overnight. Try creating better sleep hygiene, and making sure you are well rested or take ten minutes to sit in the sun and breathe. Small changes add up. 

• Schedule It In 

Treat self-care like any other important appointment. Block out time in your calendar for a walk, a catch-up with a mate, or even a lazy arvo with a good book. My recent new self-care time out with my bestie is to try the lux saunas in Perth.  We recently went to Ember and it was BLISS. 

• Lose the Guilt 

Remember, taking care of yourself makes you better equipped to help others. Rest and relaxation aren’t luxuries — they’re necessities.  I often teach my students and clients, that if you don’t pour back into your personal self-cup, you are useless for others.  By pushing hard at work and life will only serve up a cup of burnout (trust me I know). 

• Ask for Help 

If you’re struggling, reach out to friends, family, or a professional. There’s no shame in getting support.  Even though you might consider being self-sufficient or a boss b$tch as a strength or as some sort of accolade, you’re kidding yourself. Asking for help is not a weakness, and being vulnerable is an act of courage and a space for connection. 

• Celebrate Progress 

Acknowledge each small win. Got outside today? Cooked a decent meal? Good on ya — keep going! This step is also so powerful to build self-confidence and self-worth. 

Keep It Simple 

You don’t need expensive gear, fancy routines, or endless time. Self-care is about what works for you, wherever you’re at in life. Whether it’s a walk on the footpath, a chat at the local servo, or simply switching off your phone for a bit — every little step counts. 

To Wrap it Up 

Self-care isn’t always natural, nor is it always easy. But recognising why we’re bad at it is the first step towards getting better. By making small, realistic changes and ditching the guilt, you can build a routine that helps you feel your best — both for yourself and those around you. So go on, put yourself on your own to-do list — you’re worth it.